Forever an Orphan
by snarkysweetness
Summary: After Emma makes it very clear Henry is the only man she wants in her life, Snow attempts to give her some motherly advice, but it doesn't go the way Snow plans. [I really recommend reading the Author's Note so you're not offended by this]


**Title: **Forever an Orphan  
**Author:** snarkysweetness  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Characters:** Emma & Snow  
**Summary:** After Emma makes it very clear Henry is the only man she wants in her life, Snow attempts to give her some motherly advice, but it doesn't go the way Snow plans.  
**Warnings:** Angst.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
**Author's Notes: **I don't actually watch this shitfest anymore, but I still have a lot of Emma feels, obviously. So you know, I don't care how accurate this is to what's going on during Lost Upon a Time. I'm also not sure what this is other than wanting more Emma/Snow interaction, especially since I can't believe Emma has had zero emotional response to some of the crap they're pulling with Snow. Anyway, I wrote this for myself because I needed to.

"That was some scene I just walked in on."

Emma slung her pack over her shoulder and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She had no interest in listening to what her mother had to say. Emma was done, with all of them. Instead of attempting to put effort into this parenting thing, her mother wanted to start all over, even if it meant abandoning her to stay here in Never Land, and Emma wasn't going to stand around and listen to another lecture.

She wasn't proud of the things she'd done to get her son back, but at least she was fighting for him. Snow Mary Margaret, whatever the hell her name was now, had no right to attempt to mother her since she only did it on her terms.

"Are you giving me the silent treatment now?"

Emma sighed and turned to face her, not bothering to hide her annoyance.

"What?"

"Well considering you confessed to your father and I that you still love Neal and here he is, I'm surprised you're not-"

"What? Rushing back into a relationship with a man who knocked me up at sixteen while I'm on a quest to save our son? Unlike everyone else on this island, I have my priorities straight. Besides, just because you love someone doesn't mean-you know what, forget it. We need to get moving."

"I think you're scared."

She rolled her eyes.

"Of what?"

"Being hurt again. I think it was easy to admit how you felt when you thought he was dead, it wouldn't be the first time," Mary Margaret muttered.

Emma shot her a glare. She wasn't in the mood for this crap.

"Ah, that got a reaction, good to know you're still human."

"Is this about the heart thing again?" Emma began storming off through the forest, looking for the others. Her mother followed and Emma wished she wouldn't.

"No, though, don't think I'll ever forget that Emma. You're losing your humanity here."

"No, I'm doing what I have to do to get my son back."

"No, this is about August."

Emma froze and turned to face her. This wasn't a subject that was allowed and she knew that.

"Don't."

"No, I am. We're going to talk about why you never told anyone who he was or where he was or the fact that he was dead. Well, not really, something we would have found out if you'd bothered to say something."

"What was the point in-"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm speaking," Snow snapped. Emma bit her tongue. She wasn't used to that tone from her, but she knew it meant business.

"I know it's all been a lot for you to take in but you haven't even tried to deal with anything. First, it was August. You didn't say anything because if you had it would mean having to deal with his death and how it made you feel. And then he was back and…well, you never had to face him because he died again. And you avoided dealing with it then by being angry. Yes, maybe he deserved it, but so did Neal. And then he died and for a moment there, I thought you were actually going to work through it and now he's back and your walls are back up.

You have to deal with things, Emma. You can't just hide your feelings all the time. It's okay to be scared and angry and to mourn people you love. But you don't deal with your emotions you just…shut down."

"Yeah, well, it's easier, _mom_," Emma replied snidely before turning to leave. She'd heard her out and she was done.

"You love him."

"Yeah? So? Instead of helping me find Henry he's off having a pissing contest with Hook, not exactly lover material, mom. Besides, just because I still love him and probably always will doesn't mean we have to be together. I meant what I said, Henry is all I have room for right now and while this may be hard for someone who is into this whole 'true love' thing to believe, he's enough for me."

"I didn't mean Neal."

"I know you're not trying to do what I think you're doing. It's over. There's no point in talking about it, he's…" Emma sighed. "Just drop it."

"But you do. That's why you didn't want to deal with him dying, because it hurt too much. And while you're so emotionally…while it may have been easier for you to handle Neal being dead than being alive because it means having to work through your issues, you were relieved when you found out August was still alive and you spent the next few nights crying yourself to sleep after you lost him again."

"I don't really see where you're going with this."

"If August were still in the running, would you only be choosing Henry?"

Emma stopped and clenched her fist in annoyance.

"Maybe, I don't know, okay? And it's stupid to even be talking about this. I want to get Henry back; I don't have time for this."

"Yes, you're like your father in that way."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Emma turned to face her and found she was almost nose to nose with her.

"You have tunnel vision. Only, unlike him, I think most of it is an avoidance tactic."

"So what if it is?"

"Do you really think you're ever going to work through all of your issues so you can be the mother Henry deserves if you don't stop avoiding everything?"

"Look, I know this is your very feeble attempt at mothering, but stop. You've already made it very clear that you want a do-over, which is fine. But unlike you, I have no interest in starting over. I'm not going to go and find a man and fall in love and make babies and try to do it all perfectly. You don't get do-overs, there is no magical solution for everything.

If August were here and alive would I pick him? Maybe. But not because of how I feel but because he loved Henry too. And Henry loved him. And if somehow we could work through things, we'd be a family, which would make Henry happy. And maybe, someday, I'll work through my issues with Neal and realize we can be together, because it would make Henry happy. But in either scenario it's all for him.

Henry is the only person I love enough to want to deal with my own shit for. He's the only person who I want to be better for, to take care of. Henry will always be my first choice because I love him more than I've ever loved anything or anyone and he will _always be my first choice_.

I don't want a do-over. I just want him. If I could go back, I would, but I can't. All I can do is fight like hell for him, which is what I'm doing.

If that means playing nice with gross assholes like Hook to keep him invested in this rescue or allowing Regina to do her thing, then I'm doing it. I would die for Henry and I don't care if trying to get him back makes me do things that may make him hate me, because at least then he'll be safe.

So you can stop pretending you give a shit about being my mom, because out of the two of us, I seem to be the only one who has that whole role down. Stay here with dad or save him and go and start your perfect family, I don't care. All I care about is Henry; the moment you accept that and we can move on from this talk about your feelings crap the sooner we can get him back."

"Emma…" Emma could tell she'd hurt her but she honestly didn't care.

"No! I'm not you. I'm not going to give up on Henry, not now, not ever. And I don't need you. I've been alone my entire life and I've managed just fine. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still that orphan who was abandoned on the side of the highway.

I screwed up. I did to Henry what was done to me and I can't fix it but I never stopped loving him or wanting and I'm here now, making up for it. I can't get back any of the things I missed with him, but I can be there for him for however much time I have with him. You can either help me get him back without questioning how I do it or you can get the hell out of my way."

When Snow said nothing Emma knew she'd won.

"That's what I thought. Now come on, I want my son back and I want off this damn island."

Emma didn't bother to turn back this time, if her mother wanted to come along, great, if not, then Emma no problem doing this the way she'd always done things; on her own.


End file.
